if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its about making memories worth repressing
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
