last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
