Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
