is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
