My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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