I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
