I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
