Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
