She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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