You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
