You just made me feel so damn special
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
