dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
