I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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