you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
