Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
