Your dad touched me again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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