YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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