He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
