I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
