The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
