just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
