we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
