Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
