I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
