Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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