YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
