Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
