Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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