Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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