Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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