she was so not down for the gang bang
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
