She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
