Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
