You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
