dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I just put wine in my tea
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize