i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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