He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
