It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who died my cat blue again?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
