So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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