so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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