Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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