so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
