I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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