dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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