My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
