I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
