I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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