Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
