During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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