So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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