The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
