Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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