My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
