Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
