Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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