using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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