I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
