i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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