My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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