Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
