ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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