what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
